A middle-aged man with a head of balding, greying hair stood up and ambled toward the stage at Alcoholics Anonymous. He took the microphone and said: “Hello, I’m _______ and I’m an addict.”

Used to be hooked

on all of them toys

G.I. Joes and Transformers

I’d steal from the boys

Didn’t need a prescription

to feed that addiction

A hand in a backpack and

I’m playin’ Hot Wheels in the kitchen

Toy life was good

but it got old quick

So I got into sugar

Tootsie Rolls and NesQuik

Nonstop energy

like shooting stars

Snickers, Skittles,

M&Ms & Mars Bars

Reeses’ peanut butter cups

and Goobers

had my house up all night and

my neighbours callin’ the movers

But sugar highs don’t last

and all things must pass

My next poison was

the world’s oldest buzz

and 6th grade girls

ain’t no joke cuzz

The toys and candy had

been the stuff of dreams

but unrequited crushes

from pre-adolescent teens?

F*cking crushing

hence the word

Playin’ with yourself beats

getting shit on by birds

Finally I learned that

romance was tricky

so I turned in girls

for that sticky icky icky

High School High

and that ain’t no lie

Excuse me while

I kiss the sky

Joints and dimes

That point of time when

A simple high

ain’t no crime

Rolling up purple

Standing in a circle

Feeling more Bob Marley

and less Steve Urkel

Up in smoke and I mean plenty


Then one day

I couldn’t get high

and I was forced

to ask myself Why?

The green had

become child’s play

No good to me

any more, not today

The cheeba cheeb

had become a chore

and the chief rocka

didn’t want no more

So I got some more candy

you know how that goes

but this time

it was candy for my nose

Snow white

and Dr Zhivago

getting it on

in snowy Chicago

like that Johnny Depp movie ‘Blow’

disco shit, pure as the driven snow

But then one day

I awoke pensive

Eureka moment

Coke is expensive!

No turning back

so I got into Crack

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Cook, Coke, Crack

It was just like New Jack

Stacks and stacks

funding fiend attacks

but I have to admit,

it got kind of lonesome

being high as a kite

all on my own son

So that’s when

I got into hookers

And no…

they weren’t all lookers

Cracked out days

and pimped out nights

At least I got to say

“Roxanne, you don’t have to put on the red light.”

I don’t know what that means

but it sounded cool

but Roxy was mean and said I  ‘sound like a tool’

I should have thought

through the decision

before I stabbed her up

with surgical precision

and hey I didn’t expect killing

to ever give me this feeling

It’s like walking on air

or on escalator stairs

Today I have more kills

than the Red Baron

but it doesn’t matter

what colour I’m wearing

Nothing matters anymore

Nothing’s enough

I am bout to do it all

– All of the above.


Go out like a G

in a blaze of glory

Downward Spiral that’s my story…straight up.

At least I was never an alcoholic.



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