Nobody cares about that antiquated three-hour celebration of fuddy-duddies and their cold clammy takes on movies anymore! Roll with the times…it’s time for an awards show that gets that you’re too busy.
Shouldn’t take more than ten minutes, and none of that wrong envelope shit either! Plus, we are NOT trying to milk the suspense here. Here are all the winners:
Best movie: Get Out
Best Writer/Director: Jordan Peele, Get Out
Best Man Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, Phantom Thread
Best Woman Actor: Vicky Krieps, Phantom Thread
Best Male Scene Stealer – Lil Ren Howery- Get Out
Best Female Scene Stealer – Allison Janney – I, Tonya
Best Thing: Exposure of the dirty creeps working in the movies. Within a few years the movies being made will be more diverse and intelligent as a result of more women being able to get greater positions of power. Gonna be awesome.
I was loading my dirty clothes into a washer in the laundromat on the corner of 2nd Avenue and 95th Street one year ago today when I heard a brunette woman folding shirts a few feet to my left tell someone on the other end of her cell phone: “Yeah, he killed himself.” I couldn’t believe anybody could talk about someone they knew’s suicide in such a casual way. I was disgusted.
I walked outside the hot laundromat to the slightly less hot street to kill some time. I checked Twitter and realized that she had been talking about Robin Williams. I was surprised by how sad I felt suddenly.
I dragged my feet around the grey Manhattan evening and just kept thinking about his movies and how much they had meant to me. How he was the celebrity I always hoped to bump into in New York. How I had daydreamed of meeting him on the subway and how he would be insane and nice and just keep talking a mile a minute. He was such a tour de force.
My mom made me watch Dead Poet’s Society when I was 9. Hook when I was 11. Mrs Doubtfire soon after and I thought this guy is THE MAN. He’s invincible! Not that he was bulletproof, he wasn’t, but he gave zero f*cks. That was true invincibility. That was something the toughest guys couldn’t pull off. And Robin never started giving a f*ck even long after he wasn’t considered “cool” anymore. He still went at it with gusto. Full-tilt Williams. He just did not have a dim switch.
I saw so many of his flicks later on when I was a teenager and I was equally blown away by Good Morning Vietnam, The Fisher King, Awakenings, Death to Smoochy and Good Will Hunting among others.
A few days after Robin passed away, I started re-watching his movies. I noticed I never felt sad about his death for even one second while watching them. I think that’s unusual and incredible considering the circumstances. It’s probably because he is such a happy, alive, lovable, exuberant, squirrely bastard on screen that it’s just impossible to not be in the moment and feel awesome while watching his high wire act.
I found a 1984 movie called Moscow on the Hudson in my local library this past winter. When you need a joke loving, jazz playing, saxophone carrying, circus employed, happy-go-lucky, bearded Russian to defect to America in a Manhattan department store, you call Robin. So good. We never had a friend like him before.
Spent Oscar evening how I spend every Oscar evening, watching old Youtube clips of Oscar speeches during the actual live event.
Through my circuit of favorite Oscar speeches – Jamie Foxx, Russell Crowe, Matt & Ben, Cuba and more, I kept one ear on the 2015 festivities. The red carpet has always been ridiculously dollhouse and hard for me and my unfashionable brethren to watch, so yesterday my ears perked up when I heard people taking umbrage to the red carpet show & tell. Those people were mostly women in dresses worth more than my car. Not judging, but I was surprised.
#AskHerMore is a hashtag popularized to make Red Carpet “reporters” take heed to ask more important questions than what designer an actress is wearing. Julianne Moore and Patricia Arquette talked about how Hollywood had to change this. I empathized because I could never have the patience to do a red carpet, but I also wondered who is that question being asked for? Is the suggestion that it’s sexist? Men don’t care one iota who designed a single actress’ dress. That, you can take as gospel. Also, the dresses don’t do as much for male hormones circa 2015 as they did in the 1940s. The entire fashion aspect of the show is done for women (consumers) and the labels. It has nothing to do with us! (red-blooded civilian males). It’s big business, and every woman in the world knows that.
I thought the #AskHerMore thing was similar to how Marshawn Lynch or other athletes have been thinking in the recent past. Remember him getting in trouble for wearing his own hat at the Superbowl presser? And him saying he wanted to wear his own shoes? And refusing to answer questions. That’s because he got annoyed with the fact that someone else was profiting over what he was forced to wear. That seems like a possible cause here, actresses essentially feeling like they are walking the world’s most viewed catwalk, and not being compensated with anything other than a free dress rental.
One argument I heard is that if these actresses didn’t want to hear that question (“Who are you wearing?”) then they should dress down. That makes zero sense, they are at a work obligation that requires a certain level of attire. If an actress wore jeans, they’d probably bar her from entering. The dressing up is part of the game. It’s the prom. And if you are not paying for your own clothes then the person who clothed you is going to want a shout-out or twenty. I wonder what would happen if the actress refused to answer the question? Would the label be offended? Would she have to buy her own clothes now? With the media and business line getting blurrier every day, It’s increasingly interesting to me when these new grievances come up. I understand the frustration but I don’t think it’s a sexism issue personally. Apart from those few actresses, I saw a parade of women who were only too happy to name their designer and jeweler and make up people and Serena Williams even answered by saying ” ____ _____. They dress me every time.” Being dressed? She is literally ceding control like a toddler. She probably sees this as some sort of Cinderella deal, get dolled up by the fairy godmother and go out on the town till midnight et cetera. I think it would be a very tempting offer.
Favorite Speech of the Night:
Graham Moore, screenwriter of The Imitation Game. He got personal as you can, but still somehow kept it light and inspirational. Good guy Graham was a much-needed dose of caffeine in a lagging part of the show. Another great speech was given by Lonnie and Johnny better known as Common and John Legend. Their performance and their speeches (seconds later?) were powerful.
Favorite Joke of the Night:
Not many. My favorite was by far the comedy stylings of John Travolta. The hapless former ballet dude and disco god put his foot in his mouth last year by mispronouncing Idina Menzel’s name while introducing her, and he spent the whole telecast yesterday trying to tapdance his way out of that. Seeing how insecure a big star can be is really charming in a way, getting all sweaty and nervous and making jokes that don’t make sense, it’s the first time I’ve empathized with Travolta. Not your fault that she’s got a tongue-twister of a name Johnny!
The Awards:
My favorite of the nominated films was The Grand Budapest Hotel though I wholeheartedly believe the best movie of 2014 was Nightcrawler which was criminally under nominated. Jake Gylenhaal deserved a Best Actor nomination at the very least. He also came up with the concept for this trailer for the film:
Another overlooked performance was Chadwick Boseman in Get On Up. He was a mesmerizing James Brown, a top-notch song and dance man who also captured the exuberant joy and tortured genius of the Godfather of Soul. I also especially loved A Most Wanted Man, the very last movie Philip Seymour Hoffman made. His portrayal of a beat-down by life German spy carries the film and his German accent is great. Another performance that stayed with me is Miles Teller in Whiplash, he was in my tempo and I thought as deserving of a nomination as the abusive JK Simmons. The two things the Oscars made me want to watch even more than I wanted to before were Selma and Citizenfour. By the way, pretty ballsy moment by Ed Snowden’s girlfriend picking up the Best Documentary Oscar onstage for her boo.
Quick points:
-Eddie Murphy has not aged in twenty years, that’s what no booze or drugs and a lot of money and a healthy lifestyle gets you.
-Lady Gaga killed it, I expect she’ll be doing The Sound of Music on Broadway in a few years.
-Rosamund Pike is gorgeous when she’s not killing dudes.
-Bradley Cooper’s third straight Best Actor nomination! And that’s not even counting my favorite performance of his, as the voice of Rocket in Guardians of the Galaxy.
-Meryl and J-Lo in a film adaptation of Broad City? I’m in.
As usual, the Oscar show was so overblown, I started wondering about the director of the Oscars, he’s under major pressure and he can’t even direct these actors! Wondered how they manage all these shots and movement…Check out this clip of what it looked like behind the scenes during my favorite Oscar moment in history and you’ll get an idea.
Made me remember this story I recently came across, this romance between some characters I hadn’t thought about since I was a little kid. They became more relatable after this video, which incidentally Steven Spielberg told me about over Skype. He said it was called the “Citizen Kane of animation”, basically it’s very influential and kind of a huge accomplishment.
This is a love triangle between a girl and two dudes: a dot, a line… and a squiggle. It’s also less than 10% as long as the usual romantic comedy. Sure, there’s no Sandra Bullock but it’s cool, it’s whimsical, it’s wonderfully narrated (by an Englishman, obviously going to be good) and it struck me as a condensed version of the many romantic comedies to come years later. What’s awesome is how many jokes they managed to stuff into this short video- Puns galore as well as visual gags and great musical accompaniment. Keep in mind this was made in 1965, I’m impressed at how well all the ideas and jokes connect 50 years later. Awesome work.
This IS a great cast: Line is a convincing everyman and Dot has the screen presence required to pull off straddling the line (no pun intended!) of the mercurial love interest. Squiggle’s trademark “grimy guitar” musical effects crack me up too. Combined with his slothful ways, that guy is bad news!
If there’s a lesson here – it’s in Line’s tenacity. When Dot rejected him because he was too straight, Line simply decides to gym up. He’s in there pushing himself and when he comes back Line is slingin’ straight fire! Angles? Squiggles?…Um, How about roller-coasters and cathedrals the people at Six Flags and Romans couldn’t even imagine, respectively.
Line just kept upping his game. That is the lesson.
This V-Day, here’s to the dots, lines AND the squiggles – and we’ve tried all of the roles on by now- keep upping your game. DO YOU. Here’s hoping that even if you don’t live happily ever after, at least it’s reasonably so.
Also, Spielberg just snapchatted me saying that this is his favorite actually:
If you have a problem, take it up with him @MinorityReportSS
Robert Frost wrote the iconic poem about his horse and him stopping by the woods on a snowy evening in 1922. I hold a degree in English Literature so I can tell you with confidence that they almost certainly stopped there because the horse or him or both had to poop.
A lot has changed since then and sadly his wonderful poem has become a tad difficult to relate to. In this spirit, it’s time to Remix what this former Poet Laureate referred to as his “best bid for remembrance.” Chill Frost (heh heh), I’m remembering you 93 years later – as I’m sure this Remix will be celebrated in 2108.
Whose woods these are I think I know
Some corporation that bought this land a long time ago
They probably ran off a Cherokee or Navajo
and that community disappeared as quietly as this falling snow
Prose and poems aplenty one reads of nature’s wonders
But transfixed in the moonlight now the sole spell I’m under
Is a spine-bending blood-curdling cold shock tearing me asunder
The Hawk coming at me hard, to strike and freeze me like icy thunder
My tired tried and true old car lets out a painful yelp
A high-pitched wail emanating off a too-old timing belt
Callously ripping apart the slightly boring peace of the Vanilla shroud
Nudging, nudging, guilt tripping and dispersing the only crowd
These woods are dank, wet and cold kinda like my feet
Later Nature, we tried, but I have needs to meet
And Netflix to go before I sleep
And Netflix to go before I sleep.
“Nature makes me miss my couch. Is that wrong?” yelled Billy Bob to no snowy tree in particular.
Also, the photo above is from the movie “A Simple Plan“, one of the best “snow movies” of all time, as well as a hell of a crime thriller and morality tale. (Was on Netflix recently too.)
Best 5 snow movies off the top of my head: Fargo, A Simple Plan, Cliffhanger, Alive and Beautiful Girls.
This eerie gray introduction scene to The Hudsucker Proxy captures New Year’s Eve so perfectly. I love every shot of the buildings in 1958/1959 New York, every written word is amazing and pin perfect AND the narrator’s voice is so good:
“Come midnight it’s gonna be 1959. A whole nuther feeling. The new year. The future. Yeah, ole daddy Earth fixin to start one more trip round the sun, everybody hoping this ride-around be a little more giddy, a little more gay…”
I could argue it is my favorite Coens movie, and also my favorite gangster movie, along with Goodfellas (also released in 1990). Miller’s Crossing is very different from any other gangster film because of the trademark wit and clever wordplay that was so often the signature of the early Coens stuff. It’s on full display here with a firecracker cast ripping amazing one-liners in perfect time like they’re jazz drummers, and with the regularity and punch of the Tommy guns Leo’s gang favors.
This zany, brilliant, criminally underrated gangster movie is incredible in it’s scope and authenticity depicting the criminal underworld of 1930s America. The set design and costume design sing, it’s hard to fathom this was before the advent of green screen special effects, some of the backdrops and shots are so gorgeous.
I first saw Hook at the cinemas in December of 1991, it was a stunning movie to see at that age when you’re still not one hundred percent certain that the Peter Pan story is fictional. “The world’s a big place! It could happen, right? Hey, I’ve never been to London! Maybe Wendy’s window is magical!? Maybe everything in London is magical? That’s where Mary Poppins is from, right? I need to go to London.”And so on.
Sweeping, epic, romantic, I had never seen anything of that scope before. For the next six months, I told whoever was forced to sit next to me on the school bus that Hook was ROBBED by Dances With Wolves for Best Picture that year. “NOT EVEN A NOMINATION? WHAT A JOKE THE ACADEMY IS, RIGHT? RIGHT?”
Although it was my first exposure to him, it firmly placed newcomer (to me) Robin Williams in the Siddharth Chander’s Childhood Hall-of-Fame (cemented 3 years later by Aladdin) alongside such luminaries as Optimus Prime, The Ultimate Warrior, Eddie Murphy, MacGyver, Axl Rose and Balki from Perfect Strangers. Steven Spielberg would direct the acclaimed Schindler’s List a few years later and it seemed every review stated things like “Finally! Spielberg makes his classic!” The now slightly older me was confused by this because my review of the black and white snoozer simply read: “Ain’t no Hook.” Literally and metaphorically, I might add. How could people enjoy watching Nazis being Nazis more than the Lost Boys having a food fight? You can have Auschwitz, I’m staying in Neverland my man.
One word: RUFIO.
He is the MVP of this thing and just so you know where I stand – I would have sided with Rufio over Pan any day of the week. Rufio was younger, more dynamic, more charismatic, had *MUCH* better hair, funkier clothes and in my opinion crowed at the sky better than Pan who looked like a down on his luck lawyer in his tattered 3-piece suit and spectacles. YOU are the “substitute chemistry teacher”, Pan.
Still, it definitely never got any better than when Rufio elected to be the bigger person, embrace Pan’s return and go all WATCH THE THRONE on Captain Hook and his ship of fools. Rufio sold it completely and although I was not happy that my Asian brethren was unfairly usurped by some middle-aged upper-class yuppie, I was all in for the team because, as second bananas go, Rufio was the best since Goose in Top Gun.
This scene gets me every damn time.
The moment when Pan and Rufio start crowing and doing that thing with their fingers in front of their mouths – I humbly suggest we put that GIF in a time capsule for future generations.
This last week, I took it upon myself to investigate and determine ONCE AND FOR ALL what was the best movie of the past 5 years (2006-2011). Granted, best is a meaningless word really. What does best mean to you other than your personal favorite? That being said, I have personal favorites among many forms that I would never suggest are the best of the lot. So, best? I suppose it means that it has to be something or someone whose merits you could argue are better than others in its genre? Something that stands the test of time. Something that strikes a chord. Something where the writer and director and actors have all come together in perfect harmony and created something glorious. In the parlance of our times, Something SIIIIIIIIIICK…
Anyway, these were some of the answers my friends gave me when I popped the big question. What is the best movie of the past five years?
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood
The Departed
The Prestige
The Lives of Others
The Wrestler
Blood Diamond
In Bruges
Pan’s Labyrinth
Son of Rambow
Wristcutters: a love story
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Persepolis
Wall-E
300
Avatar
District 9
Of course, these being my friends, I also received answers like Ghostbusters and Duck Soup. Yeah, I love them. Although I haven’t seen or didn’t enjoy some of the movies listed above, I could see them being considered the best. In my own head, the short list of my favorite movies of the past five years is as follows :
The Secrets in Their Eyes
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Inglorious Basterds
The Prestige
The Lives of Others
Little Miss Sunshine
The Dark Knight
I love them all but if forced to make a case for one, I would go with, drum roll please…
THE DARK KNIGHT.
Christopher Nolan’s ‘The Dark Knight’ came out in the summer of 2008 with almost unprecedented hype. Part of this was just due to the fact that it was marketed as the summer blockbuster of the year and it was also due to the sad passing of Heath Ledger some months before it’s release. For these reasons and more, this Batman movie (the first one without ‘Batman’ in the title) was hyped up to saturation point. And then it miraculously delivered. I remember I went into the theater almost angry. I had been through months of waiting. I had hustled for tickets. I got to the theater early only to have my friends show up late. And so it was that I ditched their front row seats and found myself sitting alone in the best seat in the theater (halfway up, bang in the center). And I loved it. From the very first shot, the slow steady zoom-in of the glass building and the window shattering, I was enraptured. I think it’s the best movie of the past few years because it’s almost impossible to make a huge pop-corn movie that is universally loved. People go into these things jaded. They want to rip the movie. It’s not smart enough for some. It’s too mass-marketed for others. It’s cliché. It’s guys in tights. The Dark Knight is incredible because it combines great acting and directing with a cracking script that perfectly mixes humor and drama, comic book madness and metaphors for modern life events. I think I love the movie more than most because there are anywhere between ten to twenty lines that stand out for me. Also, this movie stars the three-headed monster of Christian Bale, Aaron Eckhart and Heath Ledger, all perfectly cast. I have forever been obsessed with movies starring a trio of strong male leads (Quiz Show, LA Confidential). It’s just something I like. Perhaps it’s not the best. Maybe it’s just my favorite. Although I don’t think it’s that. Everyone loves to have their favorite movie be something independent, something cool – Forgetting Sarah Marshall or The Big Lebowski, something along those lines but The Dark Knight attempts more and delivers more than any other movie has in the past half a decade. It’s a monster. But it’s still goddamn good – and I don’t even like studio summer movies. It is literally the only summer movie hit I would ever call a favorite film.
So without further ado, here is a great scene from the film, a nice dinner conversation between Bruce Wayne, Harvey Dent and company. A complete non spoiler and it illustrates how well written and constructed the film is.
