Stopping By The Woods On A Snowy Evening (2015 Remix)

Robert Frost wrote the iconic poem about his horse and him stopping by the woods on a snowy evening in 1922. I hold a degree in English Literature so I can tell you with confidence that they almost certainly stopped there because the horse or him or both had to poop.

A lot has changed since then and sadly his wonderful poem has become a tad difficult to relate to. In this spirit, it’s time to Remix what this former Poet Laureate referred to as his “best bid for remembrance.” Chill Frost (heh heh), I’m remembering you 93 years later – as I’m sure this Remix will be celebrated in 2108. 

Whose woods these are I think I know

Some corporation that bought this land a long time ago

They probably ran off a Cherokee or Navajo

and that community disappeared as quietly as this falling snow 

Prose and poems aplenty one reads of nature’s wonders

But transfixed in the moonlight now the sole spell I’m under

 Is a spine-bending blood-curdling cold shock tearing me asunder

The Hawk coming at me hard, to strike and freeze me like icy thunder

My tired tried and true old car lets out a painful yelp 

A high-pitched wail emanating off a too-old timing belt

Callously ripping apart the slightly boring peace of the Vanilla shroud

Nudging, nudging, guilt tripping and dispersing the only crowd

These woods are dank, wet and cold kinda like my feet

Later Nature, we tried, but I have needs to meet 

And Netflix to go before I sleep

And Netflix to go before I sleep. 

a simple plan
“Nature makes me miss my couch. Is that wrong?” yelled Billy Bob to no snowy tree in particular.

_________________________________________________________________

Here’s a link to the original poem by Frost, not as good but worth a read.

Also, the photo above is from the movie “A Simple Plan“, one of the best “snow movies” of all time, as well as a hell of a crime thriller and morality tale. (Was on Netflix recently too.)

Best 5 snow movies off the top of my head: Fargo, A Simple Plan, Cliffhanger, Alive and Beautiful Girls. 

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When To Leave

This is a good song to play in the background while reading this poem. Mood music courtesy of Vangelis.
Press PLAY and scroll down or feel free to not press anything and continue with the Silent Version. Seriously though, why would you not play the song?  

I could just leave right now.

“Well, I’ll get going” I could be saying…

I don’t want to leave too early but

I really don’t want to end up overstaying

If I leave right now then I’ll sleep very well

but if I leave right now then I’m gonna catch hell

Soon as I leave, they’ll start to mix it all and twist it all

and then tomorrow all I’ll hear is how I missed it all

I’ll wake up feeling fresh, well-rested and pissed off that I left early

Will decide I’d much rather have had 3 hours of sleep and been a lil surly

But if I stay? What then? What magic moment is going to produce itself next?

Seems like everybody just telepathically agreed to check their texts

Hmm but this definitely has potential, just enough potential or else I’d be gone

but what if it’s never realized and I realize too late I held on too long?

And what if this sudden hopefulness is just a result of this drinking?

Beer muscles, impaired judgement and a boost of wishful thinking

If staying sucks, I’ll head home with a ‘tsk’ refrain and regretting this last hour

Curse my alarm angrily tomorrow morning while dragging my feet to the shower

Think of how a good sleep and a hot breakfast tomorrow could be so de-stressing

while the old toss ‘n’ turn and Eggo waffle while dressing’s been getting depressing

Such a fine line between leaving early and overstaying

a moment either way and you find yourself paying

the price of free time for your self and for your lazing

or the price of possibly maybe missing something slightly amazing

Walking out the door and behind you

sudden loud uproarious laughter

Can you leave it there behind you

and not wonder about it after?

A fine line, a sweet spot, between

leaving early and staying too long –

and both of them piss me off instantly

and so now when I leave, I do so hesitantly.

To leave at the perfect moment

is downright presidently evidently

Even rarer still, It’s Bigfoot, the Yeti

Life’s great mystery, the one that gets away

To leave now or to stay

… a little bit longer

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william-haefeli-we-really-must-be-going-philip-has-an-uncanny-sense-of-when-to-leave-a-p-new-yorker-cartoon

Continue reading “When To Leave”

Jay-Z’s (sure to be upcoming) Baseball Sports Agent Rap

Feels like Jay-Z is becoming a sports agent just so he can put a verse about it on his next album. So why wait? Here it is:

Uh Who ya think got Cano those incentives?

Told Cashman half a mill per home run , so inventive

Cha-Ching (sound of cash register opening)

everytime the ball clears the fence kid

Did the game dirty like Pigpen 

It’s ya boy Hov live from the bullpen

Everywhere all at once like Ze-lig

Ah Now I’m smokin’ cigars with my new Bud Se-lig

Roc Nation, Beyonce, big clubs, hit songs

Uh My head’s gettin’ bigger than Barry Bonds

Signin’ clients to muy lucrative contracts

takin’ these clubs’ cash, balls and bats

Playin’ my hand so perfect,  

liar’s poker

Leavin’ no prospects for these jokers

Take the jersey off they wall ha!

it’s funny yall

Streets of Marcy is the home of Moneyball

Leavin’ em there

with their junk in they glove

if they don’t open the checkbook

and show us the love:

that’s seven zeroes for all you laymen

Canyon of Heroes, bank’s in the Caymen’s

If you build it they will come, I heard the whispers

So now we get that coco and we get it crisper

Talk the best game like Harry Caray

The New McGwire – Not Mark – Jerry! It’s ya boy!

Image

“1-900-HUSTLER”

The Inner Child

Press Play.

14 second mark:

Was born invincible,incredible, infallible

and kept laughs coming like jimmy fallon do

and supremely unflappable too

– but now I get flapped

like the wings of the gulls do

Back in the day things were never dull

and my problems were strictly math-e-matical

A man has 3 times 2 apples and gives 5 away

and the remainder kept the doctor away

Life made your spirit soar every single day

The spirit was contagious and kept all the kids at play

Excitement -was never an issue either way

hey it’s back to school busting out new pencil boxes day

Instinctive – There was a guide in each of us

Cruising on autopilot and nobody was reaching us

Used to fall down and get up all damn day

and didn’t get play out of it like D-Wade

you’d just get up and dust off your chin

never even think of missing the next thing

the next game, the next eats, the next care

driving breakneck speeds without a rearview mirror

Now this car is sputtering and I’m not stuttering

you know this sh*t I’m uttering is the straight butter ‘n’

this is the new trajectory and it’s no tragedy

but nowadays I’m seein’ too many maladies

and not hearin’ near enough melodies

and man I sure could use a mill o’ deez

instrumentals -hell- just for my mentals!

to cool me off from this heat from my parentals

It’s like I’m in one of those questions

two trains headed in opposite directions

different speeds and on different tracks

Run for cover cos these are the facts

this looks like a possible collision

and there’s only one plausible solution

Walk like an Egyptian

into your own revolution

Used to be an open book

written doses- of proses I wrote

but now it’s come down to statuses and post-it notes

so I’m trying to turn

the direction of this story ‘n’

go back to the future

hit 88 in this delorean

get that righteousness all up in me

like Mayor Goldie Wilson of Hill Valley

Eye of the Tiger, I lost it Apollo

but come see me this time tomorrow

Done with just going through the motions

my magic potions’ll be causing a commotion

Gonna be unstoppable full josh n’

dreamin up things like Billy Ocean

The world was my sandbox and now it’s a sandtrap

they busted us now we bust BACK

cos we’re innocent and we’re still hellbent

on getting blissed out so don’t miss out

on what you can be

It keeps happening to me

All these screens you keep looking at

all these dreams keep slipping past

I’m declaring a war on everydamnthing

And I won’t stop till the fat lady sings

cos guess what I remembered

that I want to be remembered

and my voice won’t be heard

If I ever surrender

SO I’m turning back the clock

daylight savings

lighting my fires

straight blazing

Channeling

my inner child

Navigating

this river wild

I’m back fresh as ever

no additives, straight clever

give up? not now ‘n’ not never

The diamond in the rough

and diamonds are forever.

-SC

Ballplayer

He’s got a jaw

that could sure take a punch

He’s got a joke

to tell the guys over lunch

He’s got skin

tougher than leather

He’s got a swing

prettier than spring weather

He hits the ball

out the damn yard

Picture perfect

like a baseball card

He’s got a Paw

who works on a farm

and he’s got a Maw

who works on that farm

He’s got a girl

who’s a hell of a tease

plus he’s got another

in the damn movies

He’s got the strength

of more than five men

I’ve seen him fight

five men once & again

My strengths aren’t

as strong as his flaws

He rounds the bases

and runs into applause

He’ll take his hat off

He’ll closes his eyes

He’s their hero

He’s our guy

He’s got a jaw

that can sure take a punch

He’s got a joke

he tells the guys over lunch

Addict

A middle-aged man with a head of balding, greying hair stood up and ambled toward the stage at Alcoholics Anonymous. He took the microphone and said: “Hello, I’m _______ and I’m an addict.”

Used to be hooked

on all of them toys

G.I. Joes and Transformers

I’d steal from the boys

Didn’t need a prescription

to feed that addiction

A hand in a backpack and

I’m playin’ Hot Wheels in the kitchen

Toy life was good

but it got old quick

So I got into sugar

Tootsie Rolls and NesQuik

Nonstop energy

like shooting stars

Snickers, Skittles,

M&Ms & Mars Bars

Reeses’ peanut butter cups

and Goobers

had my house up all night and

my neighbours callin’ the movers

But sugar highs don’t last

and all things must pass

My next poison was

the world’s oldest buzz

and 6th grade girls

ain’t no joke cuzz

The toys and candy had

been the stuff of dreams

but unrequited crushes

from pre-adolescent teens?

F*cking crushing

hence the word

Playin’ with yourself beats

getting shit on by birds

Finally I learned that

romance was tricky

so I turned in girls

for that sticky icky icky

High School High

and that ain’t no lie

Excuse me while

I kiss the sky

Joints and dimes

That point of time when

A simple high

ain’t no crime

Rolling up purple

Standing in a circle

Feeling more Bob Marley

and less Steve Urkel

Up in smoke and I mean plenty

24/7/365/420

Then one day

I couldn’t get high

and I was forced

to ask myself Why?

The green had

become child’s play

No good to me

any more, not today

The cheeba cheeb

had become a chore

and the chief rocka

didn’t want no more

So I got some more candy

you know how that goes

but this time

it was candy for my nose

Snow white

and Dr Zhivago

getting it on

in snowy Chicago

like that Johnny Depp movie ‘Blow’

disco shit, pure as the driven snow

But then one day

I awoke pensive

Eureka moment

Coke is expensive!

No turning back

so I got into Crack

Snap, Crackle, Pop

Cook, Coke, Crack

It was just like New Jack

Stacks and stacks

funding fiend attacks

but I have to admit,

it got kind of lonesome

being high as a kite

all on my own son

So that’s when

I got into hookers

And no…

they weren’t all lookers

Cracked out days

and pimped out nights

At least I got to say

“Roxanne, you don’t have to put on the red light.”

I don’t know what that means

but it sounded cool

but Roxy was mean and said I  ‘sound like a tool’

I should have thought

through the decision

before I stabbed her up

with surgical precision

and hey I didn’t expect killing

to ever give me this feeling

It’s like walking on air

or on escalator stairs

Today I have more kills

than the Red Baron

but it doesn’t matter

what colour I’m wearing

Nothing matters anymore

Nothing’s enough

I am bout to do it all

– All of the above.

Simultaneously.

Go out like a G

in a blaze of glory

Downward Spiral that’s my story…straight up.

At least I was never an alcoholic.

________________________________________________________

NEW RAPPER LIKES VITAMINS & MINERALS

YO

YO YO

GIMME A BEAT

*Press Play Now

( 22 second mark)

YO I’M MARVELOUS

LIKE CALCIUM AND PHOSPHOROUS

KEEP YA BONES FROM GETTIN POROUS

SO HIT EM WITH THE CHORUS

GOOD FOR YA

LIKE VITAMIN C

AND VITAMIN D

AND DON’T FORGET ‘B’ CUZ

I’M MULTITASKIN

LIKE A MULTIVITAMIN

SO CALL ME MISTER F*CKIN CENTRUM

GRINDIN 24/7

LIKE I’M 7/11

NO SNITCHES, NO B*TCHES AND NO RICKETS

NIGHTBLINDNESS IS FOR SUCKERS   ( I SEE REAL GOOD AT NIGHT)

AND ANEMIA IS FOR CORNY MOTHERF*CKERS

WHO DON’T GET ENOUGH IRON

I AINT A DOCTOR BUT I AIN’T LYIN (HE AIN’T LYIN)

(I NEED MORE IRON)

HE AIN’T LYIN

I GET POTASSIUM

LIKE DOC BROWN GOT PLUTONIUM (FROM THE LIBYANS)

AND YOU KNOW MY SPINACH IS

FULL OF MAGNESIUM RICHES B*TCHES

STAY EATIN MANGANESE AND I

AIN’T SPEAKIN JAPANESE DUDE

YOU BETTER THINK IT THRU

AND GET SOME ZINC UP IN YOU

AND COPPER THE BLOOD CELL PROVIDER

RIP DENNIS HOPPER

EASY RIDER

STAY HEALTHY IN 2 0 1 0 GOD BLESS AND WATCH FOR THE ALBUM DROPPING THIS SUMMER